Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids


Reason #264: Sandusky, Paterno, and Penn State
November 9, 2011, 8:48 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , ,

If you’ve been watching the news, as I have been, you know that Coach Sandusky of Pennsylvania State University has been fucking little boys for years now.  Sometimes it has been right there on Penn State’s property, and sometimes it has been on the grounds of the ‘charity’ that Sandusky started for little boys so that he could have easy access to vulnerable little boys.

In 2002, a graduate assistant saw Mr. Sandusky raping a child in the shower in Penn State.  The grad assistant told Coach Paterno.  Coach Paterno told other Penn State officials.  Penn State then told Mr. Sandusky he couldn’t have kids on school grounds.  And that’s it.  So for the next 9 years, he continued to rape little boys.  Until now, obviously.

Now everyone’s fucking sorry.  The University’s sorry, Coach Sandusky is sorry, they’re all fucking sorry.  They’re sorry the way the Catholic Church is sorry, in that they weren’t willing to actually stop any of this from happening until it got out into the media.  Now they’re sorry in a much more concrete way.

This is what happens when good people do nothing.  Criminals go free, and they remain free to continue committing crimes against humanity.

I wonder if there were good people in that babysitter’s life when she was abusing my brother and I? I wonder if she had an aunt or a friend or someone else who knew that she had a propensity for fucking little children, and still allowed her to babysit my brother and I?   It’s been over 30 years since she did that to us, and I am still documenting its many effects on my life.  So far there have been 264 effects, give or take a few million.

Research suggests that when kids survive abuse (and it’s not always a given that we will survive, since some of us get killed from the actual abuse or we go on to kill ourselves), we have a higher likelihood of getting into drugs or crime.  I wonder what will happen to those little boys that Sandusky raped all these years?   I pray that they get therapy to help them understand that one bad person did this to them, and that the whole world is not bad.  I pray that they understand that there are people like me and all the good readers of my blog who only want good things for them.

I pray they don’t think that world is filled with bad people who are waiting to hurt them at every opportunity, the way I do.  I hope they get therapy in time to heal their wounds, so that they aren’t afraid all the time the way I am.  I pray that they heal from their terrible abuse. I didn’t heal from my abuse, but I hope they can.  Just because it didn’t happen for me doesn’t mean it won’t happen for them.  Apparently there are people who heal from their abuse, or so my therapist tells me.  I pray these boys become those people.


5 Comments so far
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You can still heal, sweet butterfly. As much as I have scars (emotional as well as physical) from the abuse, I also feel my soul is healed . I feel no shame for what was done to me, and everything is manageable. It’s possible. Okay it took 20+ years…

Comment by sworddancewarrior

Dear Butterfly,

I agree with SDW. You can still heal. Actually you are healing. There is more healing, but that doesn’t mean that you won’t get there, you will get there.

I have heard a lot about this story. It is sickening and disgusting that someone can see a rape of a child and do nothing to get the law involved or get reported it to you and do nothing. They need to be fired now.

Good and healing thoughts to you.

Kate

Comment by kate1975

I woke to the news this morning that Sandusky released a statement. He said he is innocent on every charge. He said he only “horsed” around with the boys. What he has done is so horrific; what these abusers do is so horrific, that they could at least have empathy to say “Okay, you caught me. I knew I was going down sometime.”

If you’re fucking kids’ lives, you are likely going down sometime in one way or another. It probably won’t be in a big trial, but you will likely be called on it in some way. Be that by someone else or the victim themselves.

Sandusky is really going to deny all charges? Not that I am surprised. But it irks me that he cares more about his own freedom than “getting help” for being a sick man, and giving validation to those victims. His time is up, thank goodness. Although it should have been up much, much sooner. It’s disgusting that he’s out until trial.

Butterfly, I too feel like I won’t be able to heal from my abuse. I have my good days when I feel like some things are possible, but most times I feel that way. I can relate to that feeling.

Healing thoughts to you and take good care,
Brittany

Comment by Brittany P.

Good people who do nothing are not good. They really could be good people otherwise, but for doing nothing, it really kinda counteracts all the good they were doing. It takes guts to be good, and the prayers you give are exactly the kind of strength it takes to be that good.

Comment by sandma1half

I third “you can still heal.” I am sure it is different for everyone, but in my experience working a 12-step program (or more than one) aimed at the effects of the abuse was hugely transformative.

My experience has been that the reason that all the different 12-step programs (like Alcoholics Anonymous, Codependents Anonymous, Workaholics Anonymous, etc.) can use the same steps to work on and be relieved of such different problems is that they all stem from childhood abuse. YMMV, of course. But they really went to the core of my abuse issues – the shattered trust, the deep injuries to my self-worth, the triggers, the rage, the strings of dysfunctional relationships, the millions of self-sabotaging behaviors and reactions to things.

And healed them.

I’ve been doing this work for 9 years. It took me almost 4 years of it before I could say that I didn’t have a single abusive relationship left in my life – not at work, not among my friends, not in my family, not with myself. It took me a while to even narrow down what was abusive, though. I was starting from scratch; I didn’t have any idea I had been sexually abused until after I started working on my stuff in Codependents Anonymous, actually, and started getting some safety in my life, and it could all suddenly come out for me.

I just started reading your blog; for all I know you’re in one million 12-step programs, or hate them for some reason, or whatever. But in case this is a new idea to you, here are some that I found really helped me on the basic abuse stuff:

Survivors of Incest Anonymous (for anybody who was sexually abused, in any way, by anyone, as a minor: http://siawso.org)
Codependents Anonymous (for anybody who wants to have healthy relationships with themselves and others: http://coda.org)
COSA (for anyone affected by somebody’s dysfunctional sexual crap, whether it’s being cheated on or raped or sexually abused, as a kid or an adult, whatever: http://cosa-recovery.org)

I know you’re in therapy too, of course. I didn’t get as much out of therapy as I wanted to; for me it was helpful in healing my trust in one-on-one relationships, and sometimes in seeing reality instead of my own warped reactions to things. But others love it. My wife loved it and was in therapy for many years with the same therapist, and she said that it didn’t really take off and start changing things for her until she paired it with working the steps – FWIW. Again, your mileage may vary, but I hope this helps.

Comment by Danica Stone




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