Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids


Reason #267: That was a really shitty thing You did
November 27, 2011, 11:05 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , ,

I have been listening To Rihanna’s song: We Found Love (In A Hopeless Place). I have been thinking that this is what happened to me. I found love in a hopeless place, with a man who turned out to be a woman.

I was thinking about everything that led to me marrying my huz/wife. From the multiple molestations by three different abusers to me being afraid of sex, to me falling in love with the one guy who didn’t push me on the sex issue to him asking me to marry him and me saying yes, to our beautiful wedding, to moving in together, to having a beautiful son together, to him telling me he is a female inside.

G-d knew all along about who he/she was inside, knew this ending would come. And even though these three abusers molested me, He still let this newest betrayal happen without even a hint of what was to come.

I said to G-d today “That was a really shitty thing you did.”. And for the first time ever, didn’t feel guilty for saying that to G-d.

There was this episode of Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman where the white people killed all the Native Americans off but one man, Cloud Dancing. Cloud Dancing having seen his wife, child, and all of his tribe killed off, was obviously upset with G-d (whom he called “The Spirits”). Dr. Quinn said, “I can’t say if your spirits exist or not. I’m not even sure how I feel about my own G-d anymore.” Cloud Dancing replied, “Just because we are angry with them does not mean they will go away.”.

I say that to myself whenever I dare to express my anger at G-d. Just because I am mad at Him doesn’t mean He will go away.


4 Comments so far
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Hi Butterfly,

I agree with you. If a diety is small, then I could understand it being upset with us for sharing all of ourself and all our feelings. Diety is supposed to be huge and wise, and loving. We deserve that. And we deserve to not be abandoned.

Good and healing thoughts to you.

Kate

Comment by kate1975

Hi Butterfly,
I’ve been reading your posts these last few months, but haven’t been commenting much since I read them on my phone.

I think it’s great that you’re more comfortable being honest about your feelings with G-d. I’m sure G-d knows anyhow, loves you anyhow, and is happy you two are getting into it so you can sort it out.

Blessings to you,
SDW

Comment by sworddancewarrior

[…] and I filed that away under ‘safer people to get to know better”.  But as you know, I got my heart broken anyway and the romantic relationship ended. It turns out that my ex knew the answer to the question […]

Pingback by Reason #290: We Know Why The Caged Bird Sings « Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids

Lord knows I’ve spouted enough hellfire at him to set the heavens on fire. And will continue to cuss him sometimes. But we are old friends, he and me, and he’s the “Teacher” – but that doesn’t mean I won’t shoot spitballs at his back when I’m angry sometimes. And sometimes wanna kick his ass. Gently, tho. As he’s done mine (I reckon – I ain’t dead yet.)

Comment by jeffssong




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