Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids


Reason 269: Thelma and Louise

Do you remember that movie Thelma and Louise? In the movie, this guy is trying to rape Thelma, and Louise kills him before he can finish. Before she kills him though, the rapist defends himself by saying “We were just having some fun.” Louise, a rape survivor herself, said, “Just so you know, when women are crying and screaming like that, they aren’t having any fun.”

I woke up today thinking about that movie. When that babysitter was molesting us, I wonder if we cried and screamed. Probably not, judging by my behavior with my brother while he was molesting me. I probably dissociated and left my body and pretended I was somewhere else, like I did with my brother.

This happens to me so often. I HATE not having conscious memory of her, of what she did to us. I wouldn’t hate it but for the fact that all my symptoms of surviving molestation appeared after she molested us, which was years BEFORE my brother ever touched me. So, obviously the memories are stuck somewhere in my subconscious, unable to be accessed by the rest of me. And so I am left to drive myself crazy with the wonderings of what she actually did, how she went about hurting us, how long she waited after my mom left, how we reacted, etc.


3 Comments so far
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I’m sorry that you have this pull on your mind sometimes. I know how you feel, as I know I have suppressed memories before the age of 7 or so. What do you do when you know something bad happened but you have huge blanks? You go angry or upset wondering sometimes I suppose.

Even though I can’t offer words of advice, I wanted to say that you definitely aren’t alone and I’m sorry that you have this struggle.

Take good care,
Brittany

Comment by Brittany P.

Boy do I know what you’re going through. Major issues with suppressed memories. After 20 some years I am finally beginning to unlock them. Atm, all it seems to be doing is reminding me why I blocked them out in the first place. This is my blog- I seem to be doing the same as you. http://stifledballerina.blogspot.com/

Comment by Miss Hillary (@Hill_arina)

Hi Butterfly,

I still have lots of repressed memories. At times it drove me crazy. I still have flashbacks. I am really a believer that a person remembers when they are ready and able to. I did some alternative healing about ten years ago that forced up repressed memories and it wiped me out for several years. I started remembering mother-daughter sexual abuse and I just wasn’t as skilled and functional to do so. I didn’t have the right therapist and that hugely and negatively impacted how difficult it was to cope. I recall how frustrated I was before that, knowing there was lots more there and unable to remember yet. I know it might not make you feel any better reading this. But I do believe and my healing path has pretty much reinforced this, that the more you work on healing, learn good coping skills, increase your self-esteem, cope well, etc on your healing path, the more you will remember and heal.

Good and healing thoughts to you.

Kate

Comment by kate1975




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