Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids

Reason #272: Attempting Safety
December 22, 2011, 5:55 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , ,

As you know, I have begun thinking about a future that includes the possibility of dating. Obviously that brings up a world of shit for me, because dating means intimacy, and men scare the crap out of me.

I figured I should try to work out some of my barriers to dating, so I brought it up with my therapist. One of the things we talked about was the fact that I have an issue with people’s names. (Mostly men’s names, of course.) I believe that people with certain names are bad, and people with other names are good. If I meet someone new and they have a ‘bad’ name, I assume they are bad people. For instance, I wouldn’t date anyone with my brother’s name because obviously they’re bad people.

My therapist said that if I told her a name, she could tell me an example of someone good with that name and an example of someone bad with that name. I said, “So what does that mean then? I’m wrong about the name thing?”

She said “It’s an illusion of safety. You think that if you can categorize people into good and bad based on just their names, then you are safe from bad people. It’s an attempt at creating safety.”

I had never looked at it that way, but she is absolutely right. The ‘names thing’, the ‘only wearing certain colors of underwear thing’, the ‘only reaching for stuff with my right hand’, etc., all of these nutty things are my attempts at creating safety.

This is why you shouldn’t fuck kids. We construct attempts at safety and take comfort in the illusion. We judge people on names and form reasons to hold people at arms’ length.

7 Comments so far
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Very insightful. I have a similar problem, and didn’t realize it until you wrote that. I literally met people with my brother’s and father’s name, both having the same occupation as they do, and that freaked me out enough not to want to continue seeing them. And names are very meaningful to me, as much as kind words can be. Thank you for your post!

Comment by sandma1half

Dear Butterfly,

Not nutty, not at all. In the face of overwhelming abuse and pain, dealing with fears and anxiety you found a creative way to cope and smooth out the level of emotions and pain you were dealing with. Incredible and beautiful. And now you are ready to hear what your therapist is saying about it and finding that there is depth and meaning to what you believed and did. You are doing an awe-inspiring work of healing.

Good and healing thoughts to you.


Comment by kate1975

I wanted to let you know I’ve nominated you for the Kreativ Blogger Award. If you want to participate, the rules are on this post:

Comment by Prozac

Hi Prozac, I am honored that you thought of me. Thank you!

Comment by butterflysblog

[…] Reason #272: Attempting Safety […]

Pingback by Reason # 273: “This is an attempt at safety” « Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids

[…] understand that many of my ways of categorizing people are just as stupid. Like for instance, how I categorize people into ‘safe’ or ‘unsafe’ based on their name. I understand now that this is an illusory attempt at safety. (For the most part. I still […]

Pingback by Reason #290: We Know Why The Caged Bird Sings « Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids

[…] those coping mechanisms and I have added some over the years.  Like my OCD rituals, or deciding people are good or bad based on their names. Or adding layers of fat onto my body to insulate myself and become unattractive to […]

Pingback by Reason #291: Creating safety « Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids

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