Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids

Reason #284: Sleeping with the Lights On
March 14, 2012, 6:38 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: , ,

I hate sleeping with the lights on. Like most other humans, I like to sleep in the dark.  But the dark is my biggest fear and my biggest trigger, so when it all gets to be too much (as it did last night), I turned the lights on and slept all night like that.

This morning, my sweet beautiful son said “Mama, why did you sleep with the lights on?”  I said something about having fallen asleep with them on.  Total crock of shit.  It was completely purposeful, sleeping with the lights on. Humiliating.

Even with my ex, I was afraid to sleep in the dark.  But most nights I slept a lot more comfortably in the dark in bed with someone than I am right now without someone.  Right now my routine is to wait until I am sooooo tired that I can barely keep my eyes open, shut the lights off, (but keep the TV light on), run into bed, cover myself as much as possible, invite the dog to sleep next to me and then think about something else until I fall asleep.

This is why you shouldn’t fuck kids. We sleep with the lights on. As you already know from a past post, I don’t like wasting electricity, but I need the lights to survive with sanity. But it’s not just the waste of electricity with this reason; it’s also the feeling of being a freak, and not being able to sleep as well with the lights on as I do with the lights off.  It’s lose-lose, just like every other reason I’m all fucked up.

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It happens to me, too occasionally. I’m the kind of person who needs the lights on if I get too anxious, and if I freak myself out by watching too much television. Sometimes even trailers for scary movies are enough to make me want to keep the lights on. I think those of us who have been hospitalized especially have traumas that don’t just go away by turning off the lights and going to bed. Thank you for reminding us, it’s okay to be human.

Comment by sandma1half

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