Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids

Reason #288: My Sister-In-Law and Easter Dinner

My sister in law has been acting like an ass around my ex ever since my ex has come out to her as transgendered.  Her latest shit was that she arranged for an Easter family gathering at a time she knew my ex couldn’t make it.  My ex-husband/wife was understandable upset about this, and remarked to me (in a surprised but hurt voice) that “she would rather exclude me from a family gathering than have me there, just because I am transgendered”.  I felt so terrible for my ex then, and I wished I could fix it for her.

I don’t really understand my sister-in-law’s attitude about this.  I mean, as the wife in this relationship, I was betrayed.  Unintentional betrayal, but it was betrayal all the same.  I married a man, and ended up divorcing a woman. It has absolutely fucked with my world-view, and I am having a host of other effects from this latest betrayal in my life. But what does my sister-in-law care that her brother is becoming her sister?  I mean, in what real way does this affect her, really?  Does it take some adjusting?  Yes.  Should she have feelings about that?  Of course!  But to shun a family member who’s been so good to you just because you’re too closed-minded to accept that human beings come in many forms?  I don’t understand that. For me, humans come in two forms: good people who don’t/won’t intentionally harm me, and bad people who do/will intentionally harm me.  That’s what happens when you fuck kids; we base our entire opinions of people based on whether they will or won’t harm us.

The thing is, when I think about it, I wish I could face my sister-in-law and say this: You have no idea how lucky you are.  I would have killed to have had a brother like the one you had growing up, and yet you’re willing to piss away the whole relationship just because your brother is becoming your sister.  I take this issue personally, mostly because I wasn’t lucky enough to have a nice brother. I wasn’t born into that kind of family. Instead, I had a brother that sexually abused me and didn’t really have any love in his heart for me.  You had a brother that was nice to you all the time and genuinely loved you.  Abusing your spirit and body would have been the furthest thing from his mind. I had a brother that did not love me and the only time he was nice to me was when he was molesting me.  Now you have come to find out that your brother is not who you thought he was. I am here to tell you that just because someone is not who you think they are doesn’t make them any less worthy of your love.  Your brother is becoming your sister, and I am so jealous. I wish I had a brother who loved me, who didn’t abuse me, who I could feel close to.  If I had that kind of brother, and I found out she was becoming my sister, I’d be overjoyed.  Instead I have the kind of brother who I fear would rape me if I were alone in a room with him. 


3 Comments so far
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Hello Butterfly,

I completely agree with you. Those who never knew the kinds of trauma that happen in our families really don’t have the kind of gratitude we do for people who do the right thing, are true to themselves, and fight for us, loving us all the same. That is the kindness your husband has for you, and it is a blessing. It is exactly what I appreciate about you that you can see that. You have seen so much, which is what makes it that much more special that you can still appreciate this in him.


Comment by sandma1half

[…] Reason #288: My Sister-In-Law and Easter Dinner […]

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Hi Butterfly,

I’m sorry she doesn’t know what a great gift she has. I have both kinds of brothers and I am so lucky and so grateful, because I know what great and good things I have in the good ones who would never hurt me like that. She is ungrateful in the face of goodness and that is a very bad thing indeed.

Good and healing thoughts to you.


Comment by kate1975

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