Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids


Reason #290: We Know Why The Caged Bird Sings

Last night, I was sitting with my ex, and we began talking about the time before we were married.  We dated for a year before we got engaged, and then we were engaged for a year.  My ex-spouse said “Do you remember how you used to test me all the time?”  I said yes.

I used to ask all my potential suitors this question: “Why does the caged bird sing?”  If they knew the answer, then I would file that answer away under “Men who may understand my history of child sex abuse”.  If they didn’t know the answer, I would take it as a warning that they had not known or understood suffering.

Pretty ridiculous, huh?  I know that now. After working with my therapist, I now also understand that many of my ways of categorizing people are just as stupid. Like for instance, how I categorize people into ‘safe’ or ‘unsafe’ based on their name. I understand now that this is an illusory attempt at safety. (For the most part. I still categorize people that way, but I tell myself that this is my own shit, and possibly not real.)

My ex-spouse knew the answer to the caged bird question, and I filed that away under ‘safer people to get to know better”.  But as you know, I got my heart broken anyway and the romantic relationship ended. It turns out that my ex knew the answer to the question because he/she was living in her own cage.

Survivors of incest and child sexual abuse are like caged birds, singing for our freedom, singing because we have to, singing because it is our only way of staying sane within a terrible cage.  People who love us will learn about our cages and try to help us find our freedom.  I think that what I have learned is that it’s not necessary for someone to know the answer to the question right away, as long as they are willing to learn the answer.

An excerpt from the poem:  Sympathy

by Paul Laurence Dunbar (1872 – 1906)

“I know why the caged bird sings, ah me,
When his wing is bruised and his bosom sore,—
When he beats his bars and he would be free;
It is not a carol of joy or glee,
But a prayer that he sends from his heart’s deep core,
But a plea, that upward to Heaven he flings —
I know why the caged bird sings”


7 Comments so far
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Dear Butterfly,

So beautiful. I realize you might not see all the progress that you have gone through, especially living through so much over the last year plus, but my goodness you have come so far. I am so proud of you and so proud that you are continuing with therapy and working on healing so much.

“Survivors of incest and child sexual abuse are like caged birds, singing for our freedom, singing because we have to, singing because it is our only way of staying sane within a terrible cage. People who love us will learn about our cages and try to help us find our freedom.”

This is so beautiful, so exquisite. I hope that you will allow me to use in on my blog in a Survivor Quotes post. I too know why the caged bird sings.

Good and healing thoughts to you.

Kate

Comment by kate1975

Dear Kate, you are always so supportive. I’m so grateful. Thank you for putting this quote into your blog, I appreciate it.
-Butterfly

Comment by butterflysblog

You’re welcome. It is my honor to be able to be there for you and to support you.

Good and healing thoughts to you.

Kate

Comment by kate1975

[…] Butterfly, from her blog post Reasong #290: We Know Why the Caged Bird Sings. Like this:LikeBe the first to like this […]

Pingback by Survivor Quotes 51 « Kate Is Rising

Dropped by via Sarah Olson’s blog link (http://thirdofalifetime.com/dissociation-blog-showcase-2/) – found your post here; really good. I remember singing alone sometimes as a young child until they sorta beat it outta me. It always kind of set my heart free, even if my mind and body were still trapped there. Had never really considered the reason – until now. Thanks.

Comment by jeffssong

Jeffssong – thank you for commenting; you made me think about this post in a different way too. -Butterfly

Comment by butterflysblog

People often say I do that about things (wry smile.)

Comment by jeffssong




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