Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids

Reason #292: Who’s Gonna Love You Now?

I was watching Glee tonight, and in this episode Coach Bieste made the wonderful decision to leave her abusive husband. In classic abuser fashion, he said “Who’s gonna love you now?”.  After a slight pause, she reflected on his question, and said “ME.”

The whole thing made me think about my situation. One of the questions I have always wrestled with is feeling like damaged goods. Now that I am getting divorced, I have asked many times “Who would ever want me?” I think it’s a natural question to ask in a divorce situation, and also a natural thing to ponder when you have survived child sexual abuse and incest.

It would be really cool if I learned to love myself.

5 Comments so far
Leave a comment

Hello dear Butterfly,

I agree with you.

I think it is important to be able to say to ourselves yes I am loveable, yes others can love me, yes I can learn to love me.

I think it is also an important question to ask, who loves me right now? The answer for me is my on-line friends of the last ten years. The next project for me was to learn to believe in my friends and in their opinions of myself and then to learn to feel the same opinions. I believe love follows that. I know that it did for me.

So who loves you right now. Well for one me. I love you truly. I love you greatly. The truth is I don’t feel that way about everyone. I just don’t. But I do about you. Seriously I don’t see good and great things in everyone I know. Certainly not. But your courage and honesty is an inspiration to me.

It is my hope that you will learn to love yourself like I love you, you will love and treasure all the great qualities and gifts that you bring into your life, your child, your friends, the world. You are doing an incredible job of living and healing. We love you.

Good and healing thoughts to you.


Comment by kate1975

Kate – you always make me cry. I find you to be such an example of a miracle. You survived atrocity, and yet miraculously, they could not kill the loving person you really are. It really goes to show you that even in the worst of it, good can sometimes win over evil. You are so filled with love. You really inspire me.

Comment by butterflysblog

Dear Butterfly,

Okay, I know those kinds of cries, the good ones, cause they bring in healing and love. You do that to me as well.

I’m glad that you see me that way. 🙂 I’m so glad that I can inspire you in return. You are one of those people who knows how to be instinctively reciprocal. I don’t know if you realize that, but it is very rare. Another great gift you have without realizing you are doing something special or great.

I believe in you because you have amply shown what kind of person you are. You are right, good can win over evil, you are an excellent example of that.

Good and healing thoughts to you.

Love you,


Comment by kate1975


It has been ages since I actually commented on your blog, but I still read what you post every now and then. I’m in a similar state right now– I think it is something that might be a semi-permanent thing. A search for a very long time. It’s a work in progress.

I wanted to thank you for the 100000th time for doing what you do here. Reading your blog for the first time three years ago helped me so much. For once in my life I realized that I wasn’t alone, and that I could make sense of what happened to me if I tried hard enough. I’d never seen a blog or anyone being as honest about their experience as you are.

Ive made a ton of progress since then, and I owe it to you for starting that spark. Today, I came out as a survivor and as trans for the first time in a large, public space, to all of my family and friends…it’s been really liberating.

There is a ton of stuff to say but for now, thank you. Thank you. Thank you for being you.

With love,

Comment by Chungyen Chang (@UnicornCakes)

Dear Elle,

Thank you for this beautiful note; it means a lot to me.

– Butterfly

Comment by butterflysblog

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: