Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids


Reason #293: The fucking pride parade

Last year, about a month after my husband told me ‘he’ is actually a ‘she’, she went to the Gay Pride Parade.  She was on the Transgender float, and she stayed at the Parade all day while I stayed home with our young son.  I was heartbroken.

The Pride Parade is coming up in a few weeks.  She will be going again.  I am no longer heartbroken, but I sure do feel like shit about my whole life situation right now. (Please note, for all the haters out there, I am not against the Pride Parade, nor am I against homosexuals.  Nor am I against transgenders or the transgender movement, for heaven sake.  I am FOR all of these things.)

I just read an excerpt from a book called “Good in a Crisis” by Margaret Overton.  It’s a memoir of this woman whose marriage ended, and a bunch of shit happens to her.  She starts dating, and one of these men rapes her.

I probably shouldn’t have read this, as this is one of my many fears about dating again.  Did you know that if you are a child sexual abuse survivor, there is a higher likelihood of your getting raped again in your lifetime?  These fucking predators understand on some level that we have been raped before, and somehow target us again. I pray I do not become one of these statistics.

I could really use a cupcake. Or a box of cupcakes.

I agree with the concept of the Pride Parade, obviously.  I think people should have pride in who they are, and wear their colors proudly.  For me though, it sure brings up a lot of my own shit. There’s not a lot of fucking pride in being the idiot wife who was duped by the person who presented herself as a man for the 9 years we were together.  I feel like the world’s biggest moron, for falling in love with and trusting someone who ultimately hurt me so badly. When I read her blog that she is now keeping as part of her new identity as a trans woman, I realize all the many omissions and deceptions that were a part of our courtship and marriage.  Every time I read it, I find a new facet of painful realization, and yet I can’t stop fucking reading it.  All of it provides clues as to who she was or is, and I feel I need to understand all of her in order to understand how I ended up letting my guard down enough to fall for all of that.  As with most things, I feel I need to study this situation in order to protect myself from further harm.

On another note – I wonder if maybe we should be throwing some sort of Survivors Parade.  I mean, seriously.  There are parades for war veterans, for gay people, for celebrities, for heroes, for all kinds of people who have survived adversity or done amazing things.  Why not a Survivors’ Parade?  Why not wear our colors proudly?  We survived something terrible, and every day that we get up again to face the day is an act of tremendous courage.  Why not a parade for us??  Maybe I should be thinking about organizing something like that, for us and our supporters.  I wonder how to go about doing something like that???  Survivors – maybe we can all put our heads together and come up with something.

 


6 Comments so far
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I would go to a survivor’s parade, in a heartbeat. What a great idea. Here in Toronto, we have two marches that are important to me as a survivor. The first has been going on for decades, it’s called Take Back the Night. It’s put on by the Rape Crisis Centre. The second, very new march is called Slut Walk, to protest a Toronto cop that said that if women did not want to be raped they should not dress like sluts. Talk about victim blaming! Maybe there are similar marches in your community (not sure where you live).

About your exes blog, I think it’s a bad idea to read, although I totally understand the impulse to try and find out all of his/her secrets in order to protect yourself from being hurt again. I think that analyzing every detail in a partner / prospective partner is something survivors are very good at … after all we spent our childhoods waiting, in terror, anticipating the next time we would be violated.

But it causes you so much pain. Is it enough to know that when he/she entered the marriage he/she loved you? And from what I understand, still does? The secrets he/she carried were kept not only from you, but were kept from him/herself for many years.

I know that doesn’t make being lied to any less painful, believe me.

What does your therapist think about reading his/her blog?

Comment by me (@onebraveduck)

Survivor parades are called Slutwalks here. I’d google it. I went to three last year, and they are going again this year. An amazing walk declaring that women don’t cause rape…it is the rapist’s fault.

Comment by journalofhealing

like the idea, but then also think that all the rapists will be in the crowd picking their next victim. A survivors’ parade must be like a buffet of victims for rapists.

Comment by Hill (@Hill_arina)

Hello Butterfly,

I just want you to know that you are being thought of. I may not have many wise words, but I read your posts with empathy and want to wish you little moments of peace.

Take good care,
Brittany

Comment by Brittany P.

hi hill, that is an interesting point of view. i am a survivor of sexual violence, but not a victim, as such i don’t consider myself to be part of a “buffet of victims” … it is strange to me that you would want to classify me as such. i consider myself a strong and powerful woman who refuses to let my perpetrator define my status in this world.

Comment by me (@onebraveduck)

I went a few times to yearly Take Back the Night walks and their seminars. It sure seemed like survivor parades to me. I would love it if more survivors were able to be out front about what they are dealing with due to abuse. And I hope that that would make society sit up and take notice and for their to be systemic and lasting change.

Good and healing thoughts to you.

Kate

Comment by kate1975




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