Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids

Reason #296: Oprah’s interview of four child molesters

I have had this episode of Oprah on my DVR for months now, and I was finally feeling ‘safe’ enough to watch it.  In this episode, she had a candid conversation with four convicted child molesters, all of whom had been in therapy for years after their conviction.

Child Molester 1: 65 year old pedophile who was convicted for molesting a 5 year old girl who was not his biological grandchild, but called him ‘Grandpa’.

Child Molester 2: Man in his early 40’s, convicted of molesting his 12 year old daughter.

Child Molester 3: Man in his 20’s, convicted of molesting his cousin who was 3 years younger than him.  Started molesting her when he was 8 and she was 5.

Child Molester 4: Man in his 20’s, convicted of raping teenagers.

All acknowledged that they still had the capacity to be harmful to children except for #4, which I thought was hilarious because of them all, he seemed like the most likely to rape a child again.  So he was obviously also in the most denial. 

Anyway, so Oprah was interviewing them, and they were all answering candidly.  They all said that trust from their victims was essential, and that they worked very hard to gain their victims’ trust to make sure that they could then go on to molest these kids.  They said that even when their victims told on them, the molesters told lies to the parents so that the molesters would be believed and the victims would be called liars.

Almost towards the end of the interview, she asked them all if there was anything that any of the victims could have done to stop the molestation at any point.  They all acknowledged, after prodding from their therapist, that there was nothing that their victims could have done at any point to stop the molestations from occurring.  Except for the father who molested his daughter.  He said this: “She did stop me. She did the absolute right thing by turning me in to the police.  She has every right to protect herself.”

This father understood that he was doing something very wrong when he was molesting her, and in his own words he formed ‘an obsession’ with her.  I have read about these kinds of incesters before, and it is a specific sub-type of incest, where they form an obsession with their own daughter.  My dad’s type of incest was different, in that he only started wanting me when my mom rejected him for a few years (sleeping in separate bedrooms for years, etc.).  Please don’t mistake me – this is not and was not my mom’s fault.  A normal father does not start wanting his daughter if his wife isn’t putting out.  It wasn’t my mom’s fault that he molested me.  It was, however, her fault for not being physically or emotionally present for me, which created an atmosphere that allowed my father to molest me.  But it was not her fault that he molested me – that is his fault. 

Anyway, after that father said that bit about his daughter having every right to protect herself – I thought to myself about his daughter’s healing trajectory.  Hopefully she heals from her abuse with the knowledge that even her own perpetrator felt she did the right thing by turning him in. As someone who did ask the court for protection against her dad, I know first-hand how traumatic the whole thing can be. 

As you know, my Dad and I are forming our own healing trajectory that is somewhat tentative and shaky.  He has apologized for being an overall shitty dad, and has since made many attempts at amends. He has made reparations and apologies, and most importantly, acts totally different around me now than he used to.  He is supportive and respects my current boundaries, for the most part. However, even with all that, our relationship is as good as it can ever be – and what that means for me is only seeing him in the presence of others, and never EVER leaving my son alone with him under any circumstances.

That is what healing looks like under the best of circumstances.  It means being together with one of my perpetrators only in the presence of others. It means never fully trusting my father even though he has apologized and acts differently towards me as an adult than he did when I was an adolescent.  It means never being able to hug my dad without worrying that he has sinister intentions.  It means always being on guard with my father. It means watching other people and their dads, and never understanding the kind of closeness they seem to have.

This is why you shouldn’t fuck kids.

1 Comment so far
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It was brave of you for watching this episode, and I myself wouldn’t have wanted to see that alone. Thank you for sharing it, and for showing us more about your history. You have such a mature perspective on this, and you amaze me. I look forward to reading more of you.

Comment by sandma1half

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