Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids


Reason #307: Comparing Ourselves to Others
November 28, 2012, 1:48 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

I had a realization at that conference I had to go to the other week.  My co-worker, the one who cuts herself, said something about how much it sucks when she compares her work or her thoughts about her work to the rest of us.  She said she always feels behind and that she feels she isn’t as good as the rest of us at work.  She said ‘Do you feel like that about your work too?’

The truth is that my work is usually the one place I don’t generally feel like that.  I mean, sometimes I get the occasional ‘Am I doing enough?’ or ‘Am I good enough?’ feeling, but generally speaking, I don’t feel like I am in a race with others or in a competition with others.  It’s hilarious because I feel like I am competing with everyone else in practically every other aspect of my life.

I mean when they were all talking about their sex lives, I felt like shit about myself. When people have babies, I feel like shit about myself.  When people are able to lose weight or exercise or live by themselves or leave their house at night or drive long distances, I feel like shit about myself.  I feel like that because those are all things I can’t do.

When she asked me that and I realized I didn’t have the same feelings as her about work, I realized something else.  We really only compare ourselves to others about stuff that we ourselves are insecure about.  It’s like entering a race you know you are going to lose. The funny thing is that during that conference, I was comparing and losing the whole time. Unlike my friend though, it wasn’t about work.  It was about me and my feeling completely inferior to everyone else there because I am a fat incest/child sexual abuse survivor who is obviously less than everyone else there, replete with my failed marriage to a trans woman.

When you fuck kids, you set us up for a life of feeling that there is something intrisically wrong with us. For a long time we think that there must have been something uniquely messed up about us so as to attract our perpetrator(s).  Then after we learn that it wasn’t our fault in the first place, we still feel there is something intrinsically wrong with us because of all of the ways our lives have been affected by surviving the abuse (which for me so far is 307 ways). That’s why you shouldn’t fuck kids.


9 Comments so far
Leave a comment

Dear Butterfly,

I posted a healing quote on this today, it is oddly wonderful to be able to share it with you now.

The reason that we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.

~ Steven Furtick

I have to get ready for my gastroenterologist appointment this afternoon. I will write more in response to your post tonight. Later dear. Good and healing thoughts to you.

Kate

Comment by kate1975

Dear Butterfly,

I think you are making a huge connection here. I think this is one of your most profound posts.

“We really only compare ourselves to others about stuff that we ourselves are insecure about. It’s like entering a race you know you are going to lose.”

This speaks so deeply and honestly of what the aftermath of child sexual abuse feelings and looks like from the inside out. You are always so raw and honest about yourself and what you share on your blog, but this one seems to go another step. I know great healing can come of that. But also sometimes opening up the wound, showing it to others, allowing them to look inside, being vulnerable enough to allow all of that can open yourself up to further hurt, from others and from self-shaming and self-loathing. You are so brave. I only wish that you could see that. But I know that in time and as you heal, you will look back and see it.

You truly are one of the most honest and bravest people I have ever known. I’m so proud to be able to call you friend. Good and healing thoughts to you.

Kate

Comment by kate1975

Whoa, this quote is FANTASTIC!! Thank you for sharing, Kate!

Comment by butterflysblog

Sweet Kate – I am proud to call you friend too.

Comment by butterflysblog

Hi Butterfly,

Here is another quote that I found a couple of days ago on the same trouble and I have found it to be very true.

“Comparison is the thief of joy.”

~ Theodore Roosevelt

Good and healing thoughts to you.

Kate

Comment by kate1975

Wow, another great one Kate! Where do you find these??

Comment by butterflysblog

Hi Butterfly,

I found that one on Pinterest, while searching through someone’s board titled Quotes. There are many members there who have a board of quotes. The first quote I found recently on a quote website, don’t have the link anymore. It had some very good ones, but I had to wade through a lot of stuff that I didn’t find good. I guess that is true of anyway that I find quotes.

I also do a lot of searching online under healing quotes or courage quotes or in some quote sites. I also find them in books, movies, survivor blogs and websites, and have been doing that for a very long time. The online stuff probably the last ten years or so.

Comment by kate1975

Here is a link of a site I am looking at lately, think this is where I got the first quote I gave you.

Think Exist

http://en.thinkexist.com/

Good and healing thoughts to you.

Kate

Comment by kate1975

[…] ~ Butterfly, at her blog post Comparing Ourselves to Others […]

Pingback by Survivor Quotes 55 | Kate Is Rising




Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s



%d bloggers like this: