Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids

Reason #326: EMDR Therapy?
October 8, 2014, 2:52 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

I had dinner with an old professor of mine. She is someone I admire, mainly because when I was in her class she disclosed her own history of trauma. After I graduated, we kind of became friends sort of – maybe more like acquaintances. But anyway, we randomly meet for dinner once every few years.

I decided to take a chance and disclose what my life has looked like for real. She already knew about my husband becoming my ex-wife, because she is on my holiday card list. We send out a newsletter every year that discusses our situation, because we figure people are curious about our shit now. During our dinner, I told her how I never would have predicted how the ex and I have come to such a happy place, where we are raising our child together and are close like sisters. It’s actually kind of cool living with my best friend/sister/ex-wife without there being a sexual component to things. It gives me a chance to repair myself and make myself whole before attempting romance with a man again.

Anyway, I took a chance and told her about what my life has been like with C-PTSD (complex post-traumatic stress disorder). I told her about the hotel incidents. I told her how if I didn’t have this disorder, how cool it would be if I could just take a walk outside if I felt like it. (That right there – that is why you shouldn’t fuck kids. We should get to enjoy nature and take walks outside without fear of our next rape.)

I told her that I guess this is my life, and I should stop trying to fight it. I am obviously going to live in panic and fear forever.

She said “Butterfly, you don’t have to live like this. There are gold standard treatments now for PTSD. There is prolonged exposure therapy and there is also Eye-Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR). Both of those therapies cause people with PTSD to be asymptomatic. Are you receiving either of those treatments from your current therapist?”

I said “No, but it took me like three years to even trust my therapist. Plus it would be disloyal to her for me to seek out another therapist. It would be like I am telling her she isn’t doing it right, when I think she is really great.”

She said “If your therapist is any good, she wants you to heal as much as you do. Keep her for your life stuff, and see a trauma therapist for your trauma stuff.”

I said “You think I should see two therapists??”

She said “Yes. You still think you are going to get victimized again at any moment, and that’s not the truth. You need someone to do EMDR or exposure therapy with you for you to get through and past your PTSD symptoms. Talk to your therapist, she will understand.”

She gave me the number of a local person who does EMDR work. The idea of sharing my shit with yet another new therapist is daunting, but I also hate living like this. If my professor is at all right, I deserve the chance to give the new therapy a shot. The idea of telling my current therapist about this is also really scary, but I am going to do it. If there is even a chance that EMDR would be successful for me, even if it only meant a reduction in symptoms as opposed to the disappearance of symptoms – even that would make it all worth it. I will talk to my therapist at my next session and I hope it goes well.

5 Comments so far
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Yay!!! This is such a good idea!! Go for it! love SDW

Comment by sworddancewarrior

Good and healing thoughts to you.


Comment by kate1975

I know what you mean about being disloyal to your therapist. I never really thought about seeing a second therapist….hmm..anyways..I wanted to say that I haven’t read your blog in a while and that I really appreciate you have no idea..I hope your session goes well. I just started seeing a therapist again after like four years..I haven’t really told her much yet..its really hard like you said.

Comment by Chica de Ojo Castaño Brown Eyed Girl

What a beautiful post, Butterfly. You manage to inspire everyone with your life regardless of your own trauma.
You reminded me that I happened to meet Dr Elyn Saks about two years ago, and she was such a wonderful person with a similar dilemma to yours. She has survivor’s guilt, and felt especially guilty for having three therapists, I think a total of five times a week at the time. I understand your point, and I think there is always deep down in each of us a feeling of remorse for that person we’ve left behind, that person we once were and thought we loved.

Comment by sandma1half

I’ve been thinking of you and checking on you here and there, but not seeing anything new is a little concerning. I hope you’re simply busy with life..or maybe you just needed a break. Whatever the reason is for your absence, I hope you are well. xo

Comment by All Time Love

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