Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids

Reason #159: Antwone Fisher
March 13, 2010, 8:33 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , ,

Yesterday I was in a crowded room while listening to a trauma expert speak.  In her speech, she showed the movie “Antwone Fisher“, and there was a terrible scene of child abuse.  I had already read the book years ago, but the movie’s scenes were horrific.  I, of course, wanted to cry and gasp.  But I was in a crowded room and I didn’t feel safe enough to emote, so I comported myself as though watching this terribleness meant nothing to me.


In the movie, we see Antwone’s foster mother beat him unconscious with a towel.  The next scene is him in the navy.  Some asshole is joking around with everyone, and he is obviously bothersome, but Antwone acts like he doesn’t even hear him.  The guy comes right up to his face and says some shit to him.  Antwone still acts like nothing is wrong.  The guy gets a towel and snaps it around jokingly.  Antwone punches him in the face. 

The whole time I am watching, I am stone-faced, as if watching children get hurt means nothing to me.  As if the hurting of me as a child has not formed everything that I am now.

The trauma expert stopped the movie there and said “Did you notice how Antwone didn’t react at all even though this guy was bothering him?  Traumatized children generally have a hyper-startle response to things that the rest of us don’t even notice.  This is because their cortisol levels have never been normalized and they always stay at high alert.  However, noticeably reacting to things makes them vulnerable.  So they become very very good at hiding their hyper-reactions to things.”

I almost started to cry then, right there in that room full of people.  Because, of course, she was describing exactly what had just happened to me.  If people see that I am reacting, they will know I have a personal connection to it.  If they know that, they will know I was abused.  And then they will think I am crazy for reacting like that to scenes that they can somehow callously watch without any reaction.  This is why you shouldn’t fuck kids. 

I am not crazy.  I am abused.   And even if I weren’t, we should all be reacting terribly when we see people hurting kids.

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