Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids

Reason #60: Deaf Dog
March 22, 2009, 2:46 pm
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About 13 years ago, I went to the local animal shelter and adopted my dog. She was about 9 months old then, which makes her almost 14 years old now. Whereas she used to be full of energy, she is now deaf and slow-moving.

Although having a canine companion is nice, I am someone who has a dog mainly for security. I heard that someone is less likely to break into a home with a barking dog than another, because they figure why go through the hassle of messing with the dog before getting to what they want? Wouldn’t it be easier to just hit a house with no dog, like the one next door?

So you know how my anxiety has been so high lately? I realized – I bet some of it is the dog! Now that she’s deaf, she doesn’t hear me come in the house. If she doesn’t hear me come in, she isn’t going to hear someone else come in either. Since the whole point of me owning a dog is for protection, her being deaf doesn’t accomplish those means.

Now, the huz is the one who walks the dog and keeps her bowl of food and water always filled. (I take care of baby needs and he takes care of pet needs, for the most part.) Also, we haven’t paid nearly as much attention to our doggie as we do to the baby ever since the baby was born. While we want to pay attention to the doggie, we just don’t have it in us after all the baby needs are met. So this poor dog has really gotten to be second fiddle around here. The cat, of course, could give a shit about any of this and pretty much acts like we are all annoying her just by being alive.

When I explained the problem of our deaf dog to the husband, he said “What do you think we should do?” I said “Well, I think maybe we need a new dog.” Here’s how the rest of that conversation went:

The huz said “What would we do with this one?”
Butterfly: Uh, keep it??
Huz: Baby, we aren’t treating this one right. We can’t get another one.
Butterfly: You’re right, you’re right, I know you’re right. I’m just not sure what to do though.
Huz: Well, do you know anyone that would want her?
Butterfly: That is not how we treat dogs just because they get old, for heaven sake! She has been with me for 13 years. Come on.
Huz: Okay baby, then we will keep her. But seriously, we can’t have two dogs that we don’t pay enough attention to. It’s bad enough we do that to one dog.
Butterfly: You’re right. This, of course, is why you shouldn’t fuck kids. I need two doggies and even that won’t make me feel safe.

The truth is that this house could be filled with big scary barking dogs, and I would still be afraid. This is why you shouldn’t fuck kids.

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