Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids


Reason #110: We Lose Our Sense of a Greater Good

Today, my son’s occupational therapist came in wearing a shirt that said “We are in G-d’s favor” (except G-d was spelled with the “o” in the middle). That shirt gave me pause for thought. First of all, wearing a shirt like that means that one feels totally safe in the world. I mean, I can’t imagine wearing such a sentiment on my body because it’s inviting G-d to say ‘No you’re not. You’re not in my favor, actually.”

I have so many of the things I really really wanted out of life – a baby, a husband, a home. I thought ‘Maybe I am in G-d’s favor.’ But then I thought about what happened to me before I met my husband, before I became an adult. Was I not in G-d’s favor when I was less than five years old and that babysitter decided to fuck my brother and I? Was my brother not in G-d’s favor?

I had always had a good relationship with G-d until I started coming to terms with the abuse. I can’t help but wonder where G-d was during all that.

But then I think about all the good things that I have gotten – my husband, my baby, my home – I mean, none of this would have been possible without G-d, right? My husband doesn’t believe in G-d because it can’t be scientifically proven. I am not sure I need proof. No one believes me when I say my dad was a weird pervert, and there’s no real proof of that except my words. The huz is willing to take my word for it on my Dad, but not on G-d.

I think belief in G-d swings on a pendulum for most people. We believe sometimes, we don’t other times. But for survivors, it’s a whole different flock of geese. We know for sure that evil exists and can hurt us, and we can’t help but wonder where G-d is during our pain.

Now my belief in G-d borders on fear because I now believe that G-d will not stop bad things from happening, though I believe that G-d will hold my hand through it. I think. And that’s the fucked up part. Whereas the thought of G-d was always a comforting thought, it’s now mired in fear. And I think that’s fucked up, because if anyone should be fearful of G-d, it’s people who fuck kids. I mean, shit, if anyone’s going to hell, it’s people who fuck kids. They rationalize it, but deep down they know they’re doing wrong.

I am afraid of G-d. This is why you shouldn’t fuck kids.




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