Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids

Reason #141: “Puberty was a weird time for me”
December 28, 2009, 12:36 am
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On Postsecret this week, there is a secret that says “I’m sorry I touched you. Puberty was a weird time for me.” The picture on the card is a female. I couldn’t help but wonder if it was from her, that fateful babysitter that changed my brother’s life and mine so profoundly.

She is the reason that evil lurks everywhere for me. I would not have known that evil even exists were it not for her. She showed me that evil comes when your guard is down, and consequently my guard is always up.

“Puberty was a weird time for me.” Yeah, me too. Really weird, since I couldn’t be okay with my body becoming womanly, since that would mean that men would be attracted to me, and that might mean that someone would touch me. And I couldn’t bear anyone touching me because all of their touches would feel like scary betrayals the way your touch was.

“I’m sorry I touched you.” Yeah, me too. I almost killed myself over it, because I couldn’t get over it, and I couldn’t see a light at the end of the very dark tunnel I was in. This is why you shouldn’t fuck kids.

But if you were really sorry, you would find me and tell me. If you were brave enough to fuck us when my mom wasn’t home, be brave enough to find me and apologize.

Reason #91: We Tend to Kill Ourselves

You know that Mormon sect leader, Warren Jeffs – the shithead who is in jail for forcing his 14 year old niece to marry some guy. It turns out he molested some of his nephews. One of them (Brent Jeffs) was on Good Morning America, talking about how he and his brother were molested by Warren Jeffs. Brent’s brother couldn’t be on the show with him because he killed himself.

When I saw the picture of his brother, I cried. I always cry when I see people who feel suicidal or have committed suicide. I remember all too well what it was like to think that there’s no way out of this misery, that I would always feel this way. I think that most of us survivors flirt with suicide at some point in our survival. I am damn glad to have survived, but I take no pleasure in being the only one, which is why you shouldn’t fuck kids.

This entry goes out to all my fucked brothers and sisters. If you are considering suicide, stop for a minute and call 1-800-suicide which translates to 1-800-784-2433. When I was suicidal at 12 and 19, I truly thought I would be better off dead. I thought that my pain would never end, and that my whole life would be lived as terribly as the first 19 years had been. I was wrong, dead wrong. If I had killed myself, I wouldn’t have found my best friend and married him, had my beautiful son, and started this blog. I know that when you are in the depths of despair and everything looks like a big black tunnel with no end, everything can seem so bleak, and suicide seems like your best option. It isn’t. Your pain will end, and when it does, you can take what you know and use it to help other survivors. Together we can fight and win in this war against children.

Remember what Frank Warren of Postsecret says: “The children that the world almost breaks become the children who will save the world.

Reason #24: Bulimia
November 18, 2008, 1:18 am
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I was talking to my husband about the Postsecret website. It’s something we talk about a lot. As someone with secrets that I share with the world in this blog, I applaud the courage that is Postsecret. Anyway, I decided to free myself of another secret.

I have bulimia. This part wasn’t a secret to my husband, as I told him about this part of me fairly early into our relationship. Bulimia, for me, is a somewhat direct consequence of having survived child sex abuse. Whenever I thought about what had happened, I literally got nauseated. (By the way, this is why you shouldn’t fuck kids.)

Anyway though, one time I was finished forcing myself to throw up, and my mom walked into the bathroom while I was cleaning the toilet and floor from my vomit. (Somehow I never quite got to the point where I was able to vomit without making a mess!) It was humiliating, having her find me like this, in such a terribly vulnerable embarrassing position. I tried to play it off like it was nothing, but she didn’t fall for it. She started to cry, and then I started to cry, and we just sat there in the bathroom crying together.

Anyway, here’s the secret part that I told my husband the other day. After she caught me that time, I didn’t want to take any chances that such a thing would happen again. So, whenever I had a bulimic attack, I would throw up into tupperware containers in my room and dispose of the contents later on when I knew for sure it was safe to do so. It was humiliating and shameful to do, and just as humiliating and shameful to recount to my husband. However, after telling him about it, I didn’t feel quite as disgusting as I did before.

That’s the thing about secrets. Secrets have such a hold on you when they are a secret, but once you tell someone, the secret no longer has power over you.

Not a Reason – Just a Beautiful Quote
October 10, 2008, 11:12 am
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This is from the Postsecret website. The creator of the website said something so beautiful, I had to share it here.

“The children that the world almost breaks become the adults that save the world.”
– Frank Warren, founder of Postsecret

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