Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids


Reason #63: Still we cry
March 28, 2009, 1:33 pm
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Last night, I was again crying in bed because my husband has to take this business trip, and I can’t handle it. I keep trying to think up solutions to me not having to be alone all week, but so far every avenue has failed. I have now asked five people (some friends, some family) to stay with me during that time. I have been humiliated five times by asking, and five times more by hearing my loved ones say no in a kind way.

The thing is, they are all right to say no to this request. They all have lives that have things happening during that particular week, and thus they cannot take time out from their lives to come babysit mine. It’s not their fault.

As the last no came in yesterday, I found myself absolutely hating myself. I was filled with such self-loathing. Finally, thankfully, the huz and I went up to bed. When the light was turned off and the room was awash in darkness, I was safe to cry and feel all these horrible feelings. It was okay to admit defeat in the darkness, and even more okay to admit my feelings about being defeated my personal demons once again.

The huz heard me crying and pulled me to him. He put his hands on my face, and my tears wet his hand.

And he fell asleep. In the middle of my crying. Now, in his defense, he has been working crazy hours, and has been stressed about the nature of this business trip, and even more stressed about the effect this business trip is having on me. But still I couldn’t help but be angry. Irrationally speaking, this is all his fault with this stupid business trip. This is ‘irrational speak’ because it’s not really his fault, he argued against the business trip and lost, and his company won, and in this economy you can’t go trying to win wars with your job.

So there he was asleep and there I was crying, and I couldn’t help but feel even more humiliated. This is why you shouldn’t fuck kids. We cry so much our husbands eventually fall asleep to it. We can’t help but cry though, because our sadness is so big it’s like an ocean. Waves of it keep coming even when everyone else is ready for the waves to stop.




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