Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids

Reason #52: Anger
February 26, 2009, 5:44 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: , ,

I was thinking this morning about the trouble I’ve been having sleeping lately, and the amount of anxiety and worry that has been a part of my normal daily life for all these years.  I mean, you figure if that babysitter fucked me around the age of 5 or so, then that’s 30 years of being afraid every night, being afraid every day, etc.  30 years is a long time.

As I thought about it, I got mad.  The more I thought about it, the more mad I got.  Anger is a good thing in my opinion.  It is motivating and it is empowering.  So I thought about it, about this well of anger that I have inside me.  I believe I can be rageful in the right circumstances.

This is why you shouldn’t fuck kids.  We survivors are angry.  Really fucked up going out of our mind you better be shitting your pants angry.  And there are more of us than there are of you.

Reason #44: People Inadvertantly Hurt Your Feelings
January 30, 2009, 1:29 pm
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After I ‘came out’ as a survivor of incest during my teen years (see Reason #43: Forced Visitation), there was some fallout to deal with. Needless to say, my dad’s side of the family stopped talking to me altogether. In one fell swoop, I lost my grandma, my uncle, my dad, and my brother. (My brother went to live with my father during and after the divorce.) I was glad to be rid of my dad and brother.

My grandmother said I was lying. She needed to believe that her son wouldn’t do such things, rather than believe that her teenaged granddaughter was telling the truth. She stopped talking to me altogether.

My mother’s side kind of believed me, but even they said stupid things to me. My aunt said “Things happen between brother and sister.” I said “Oral sex doesn’t happen.” She shut up then.

I think the most hurtful thing happened inadvertantly though. It happened with my beloved grandfather, my mom’s father. He would never intentionally hurt a soul. He was a Holocaust survivor who had lost his whole family in the camps. Anyway though, my mom told me that after my family found out about my surviving incest, my grandpa told her he was afraid to hug me, for fear that I would run to the cops and say he molested me.

Mom should never have told me that. I mean, I hadn’t noticed any difference in grandpa – it wasn’t like he stopped hugging me, so I would never have known that he said that to Mom if Mom hadn’t told me. I couldn’t help but cry when she told me though. I mean, it’s not like I just run to the fucking cops every time someone hugs me. Shit went down between my brother and I, and my father and I that was a lot more fucked up than a hug, you know?

This is why you shouldn’t fuck kids. It wasn’t enough to have to deal with surviving incest, but after I had to worry about how other people would feel around me too?

Reason #41: Who is that babysitter?
January 22, 2009, 11:39 am
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , ,

I used to be in a panic group. Apparently when one survives child sex abuse, one gets panicked for the rest of their life. (One of the many reasons you shouldn’t fuck kids, by the way.) Anyway, so I was in that group, and when I discovered (at 21 years old or so) that a babysitter molested my brother and I (when I was less than five years old), I became enraged. And obsessed. Who was she? Did my mom leave and she right away fucked us? Or did she wait a few minutes and gain our trust before she violated us?

What did she look like? What was her name? Who was this woman that in the blink of an eye shattered all my future trust in humanity?

It’s pretty unusual to have a female perpetrator. Here’s how it breaks down. Men like to fuck little girls first. Men like to fuck little boys second. Then women like to fuck little boys. Lastly, women like to fuck little girls. I was one of those little girls, in that statistical minority. Was it chance that she came into our life? I don’t know? Was it fate? Again, don’t know.

Here’s what I do know. I know she was a teenager. Let me think – that was in the late 70’s, so about 30 years ago. So, if she was 16 in the late 70’s, that would put her at about 46 or so now. Shit, for all I know, she could be a reader of this blog.

My group said “You’re wasting your time trying to figure out who she is. You need to concentrate on your life now.” Fuck that, I say. Whoever she is, she holds the key to my healing. I have to know who she is, and why she did this to me. Was she a pedophile? Was she a victim herself? Is she still fucking kids??

The logical part of me says that she was obviously a victim of abuse. Someone fucked her, and then she fucked us. And now I spend the rest of my life wondering who she is and why she did this to us.

This is why you shouldn’t fuck kids.

Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids
September 6, 2008, 7:58 pm
Filed under: babysitter, brother, father, fear, survivor, trust, Uncategorized | Tags: , ,

Before you get all fucked up, let me explain. I am a survivor of child sexual abuse, and over the years, it has occurred to me that surviving the abuse has had an enormous effect on my life and the way I live it. So, through the years, every time I do something fucked up, or react in a fucked up sort of way, I think to myself, “See? This is why you shouldn’t fuck kids.” Because if someone hadn’t fucked with me as a kid, then I wouldn’t have so many fucked up negative consequences.

DISCLAIMER: Let me state for the record – this blog is AGAINST the fucking of children. This whole blog is about why you SHOULD NEVER FUCK CHILDREN. If you are currently fucking kids in any way, shape, or form, and I find out about it, I will report you to the proper authorities. This blog hopefully will explain to you why this is a bad idea, and why if you are doing such a thing, you should stop. And if you can’t stop, then you should be locked away in a safe place until such time as you are able to stop.

Back to our regularly scheduled shit. Some of the posts will be funny, some will be heartbreaking, and some will make you say “fuck, that’s bad”. Also, I speak as “We”, meaning all of us survivors of child sexual abuse. But I really can’t speak for everyone. If you are reading this and you are a survivor, and your shit differs from mine, I apologize for speaking for you. And if your shit is the same, then know that you are not alone.

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