Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids

My mom lives in another state. Tonight we were skyping (talking to each other while also seeing each other on the video screen – it’s a wonderful free service that lets you see the person you’re talking to), and she said “You look tired sweetie”.

I am tired. I am still getting over the fact that I was traumatized last week by my husband leaving on a business trip. This happens every time he goes away. We go through a period afterwards of what I call “residual effects”. For some reason, this time was harder than some of the other times that he went away. I sure was grateful that I had my sister-in-law here though.

When my husband and I were dating, I told him that I don’t think I am the kind of person who can ever live alone. Or really, who should ever live alone. It was embarrassing, this admission on my part. He knew my past by then, so he said he understood.

My mom understands too. When she said I look tired and I told her I am still not quite over my husband’s business trip, she said “I understand.”

And I guess I understand too. Understanding doesn’t make it less embarrassing to be a grown woman who is so afraid of the dark and of being alone that I am traumatized by a business trip. I mean, come on, that’s fucked up. That is why you shouldn’t fuck kids.

What happened to me when I was a child was not my fault. But now I am an adult who is afraid like a child. It’s pathetic and embarrassing. I am grateful that mom understands, that my husband understands, and that I understand. Great, we all understand. That’s great. But I still look tired, you know?