Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: child sexual abuse, ex-girlfriend, Goo Goo Dolls, lesbian, the color purple
Have you ever seen the movie “The Color Purple”? The book is wonderful, and so is the movie. This woman, Celie, has her sister cruelly taken away from her by her shithead of a husband. When Celie confronts her husband about it, she says “She was the only somebody who loved me.”
We survivors of sexual abuse hold onto the littlest bits of love that you are willing to give us, and we treat these little bits as though they are mountains of gold. It kind of reminds me of a song lyric from a song by the Goo Goo dolls that says “And the least they ever gave you, was the most you ever knew”.
My ex-girlfriend got in touch with me recently. I was thrilled to hear from her, as it felt like she had fallen off the face of the earth. I had been searching for her for years, and it looks like she was searching for me too.
When I made the decision to get involved with her, I knew she was a survivor of incest and child sexual abuse, like me. I thought of us as two survivors who fell in love. For a long time, it felt like she was the only somebody who loved me. I was wrong, but at the time I thought I was right. This is why you shouldn’t fuck kids.
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: child sex abuse, gay, lesbian, sex, sexuality
I mentioned before that I used to be in gay relationships. My first gay relationship lasted for two and a half years, and we were completely in love with each other. One of the reasons I fell for her was because she was a survivor of incest and child sex abuse, like me.
She used to work a night job as a security guard. She would get off of work around 2 or 3AM. Sometimes 4AM. One night I waited up for her. I dressed up in some pretty lingerie and lit some candles and had some music playing. I heard the front door open, and then she walked into our bedroom. I stood there, dressed like that, and she said “I’m hungry” and walked out of the room to go get some food.
That was about 10 years ago. I just realized this morning that her reaction to my being so overtly sexual was to run away, much like I do and have always done when I am on the receiving end of such advances. I used to marvel about how she was so okay with sex, how the sex abuse didn’t seem to affect her, but now that I think about it, she had her effects too. She could only sleep facing the outside of the bed, never with her back to the outside of the bed.
Now that I am married and not having any sex, I have lots of time to think about this stuff. 🙂 With my lover though, it wasn’t that she didn’t want to have sex with me that night, it’s that the prospect of someone being so wanting of her and her body was scary to her. This is why you shouldn’t fuck kids.
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: boundaries, child sex abuse, child sexual abuse, gay, heterosexual, homosexual, lesbian, sex
This post is gonna get people all fucked up, because people get all fucked up about gay stuff. This post is about MY LIFE only, and is not expandable to the whole survivor population or the whole gay population or the whole straight population. Let me state from the start that I support all gay rights, as well as everyone’s right to be gay. I think that most homosexuals are born that way, and have no choice in that matter. Furthermore, I think if it were a choice, I think it’s a perfectly acceptable choice, so who gives a shit if it is a choice or born with it or whatever the fuck people need to tell themselves to make shit okay. Back to my post, ok?
I was in two gay relationships before I started dating my husband. The first one – I was in that one for two and a half years, and we loved each other. The second one – that only lasted about six months, but I loved her too. I am not sure if she ever really loved me. I got into the first one because I was terrified of men. We eventually broke up because I knew I wasn’t gay, and she knew it too. I broke up with the second one because she was borderline abusive, and also I knew I wasn’t gay, and so did she. My lovers were gay, and my first girlfriend was a survivor too.
The thing is, when you get molested in childhood, your sexuality lines and boundaries get all kinds of fucked up. My brother has pictures of naked ladies on his personal computer at home, but fucks guys by choice. I don’t know whether he is gay, but I find it REAL interesting that both of us explored gay relationships when we are both heterosexually inclined. This is why you shouldn’t fuck kids.
Reasons You Shouldn't Fuck Kids 